Intro[Music] here are 11 oddly specific childhood trauma issues you might be a little bit freaked out about how applicable these are to you because you've probably thought that these only are unique to you but they're actually pretty common for childhood trauma here's how I'll format this video real quick I'm going to talk about the examples of each issue how they might come from childhood trauma and finally some treatment recommendations on how to really rethink them or what to kind of do about them so let's just get into here you go you might feel an impact from some of these but just to let you know I see these as really normal reactions normal things that we have going on for growing up in an abnormal development so number one is something that I call emotional delay emotional delay is when an emotion about something takes several hours or even a day to catch up with you so there's the event then there's you in the present and then there's the emotions kind of catching up to you in the present let's say your boss or your partner asked something of you in the moment and then in that moment you just kind of automatically said yes and the day goes on and that kind of a thing and then gradually you start to feel a pain of anger or a little bit of an escalation and finally the emotion is like wait a minute was I just taken advantage of could be a situation like that or it could be you see something ugly earlier in the day between other people and then later it catches up with you like something you see on the street or someone tells you that they can't make a commitment that they committed to you and then you're in the moment you're like don't worry about it it's fine and then later you feel really let down really disappointed this feels like kind of an escalation of emotion that you weren't in touch with at the time of the event earlier in the day and it just simply catches up to you like I mentioned you'll really know about this if you've ever gotten a rush of buildup of emotion that you can't quite place and then realize it was about that interaction earlier.How this might come from childhood trauma I believe that these delays are really due to the childhood trauma issues of dissociation and hypervigilance childhood trauma survivors struggle with not fully being in their body and not being present in their emotions in real time we tend to live in a cerebral kind of anxious place and a thinking place and maybe that's where they're quickly saying yes to things because we live in a little bit of an emergency which will be on another issue coming up later might be due to that kind of energy we have going on the hypervigilance I believe is when our inner child kind of goes wait a minute you know like this was I just taking advantage of or was I just let down again or perhaps some anger and sadness comes up later you know kids growing up in childhood trauma leave their emotional body they go up into their heads and watch out for what the adults are doing or what the adults need and we're not attuned with ourselves in what we have going on in real time in our childhood like what we need emotionally.We can trace an example of dissociations and hypervigilance say if you grew up in domestic violence and let's just say there's a fight on a Tuesday night and on Wednesday you wake up and then the worry about the other parent really start to catch us up with you as you go to school that's an example of where this stuff isn't in real time because during the fight on that Tuesday night the child is too busy being freaked out about safety or just the charge of it you know they're not even thinking they're just kind of frozen.Some treatment recommendations for this: practice discussing emotions when they come up with safe people and I know the intimacy of that is kind of scary but that's our way out of this. Another recommendation is know that when it happens that it's your inner child catching up to the event that happened earlier after kind of living underground because of maybe you're in a baseline other trauma response like just living in emergency. Start to explore some daily inner child dialoguing which is journaling with your inner child it's not just regular dialoguing it's dialoguing between your non-dominant hand and dominant hand. I'm going to be referencing this a lot in this video about what they're feeling in the day-to-day it's almost like the idea is to become a good parent for yourself and really become aware of what is going on with you which is a process in the day-to-day. Another is to join a group or find a therapist if you can or join a community such as a support group say like alanon or some kind of 12 step. I know that those are complicated for a lot of people and start to practice discussing how you feel in the in the moment around some safe people. Like in 12 step I learned how to—it's really where I learned how to publicly speak and catch up with my emotions in addition to the group therapy that I went in. So we should all be getting this stuff from our families but we simply don't.RushingMoving on to number two which is what I call rushing nowhere. Rushing nowhere or rushing through life as I believe is due to living in an emergency due to childhood—we really live that way. Some examples: you ever catch yourself walking too fast for no reason? Ever jump into basic things like you're now on a mission to get it done like securing movie tickets or something like that, like a reservation? Ever find yourself treating basic things like life or death situations? You might see this in others and be like whoa where's the fire, what is going on there? This may look very different for those who identify as being neurodivergent just FYI so not everything is universal in terms of applying. This can look like you just got a master's degree and now you feel the immediate need to get a new kind of thing or get the spouse or get the house and get the baby it's like a hurry up and reach the elder years super fast that's kind of an example of rushing. Or this can look like unconsciously going fast in life over small things where you realize that you have zero chill in life, you're very much Johnny-on-the-spot, on top of things, and you really don't know how to slow down.Where this might come from: shame and hypervigilance. Imagine growing up in something like alcoholism or a secretive family or a fundamentally religious family where one false step that you make can have terrible consequences for you or others. So when things come up we're on it. I see many clients including myself rushing through life or I used to and living in an emergency because they're running from the possibility of making mistakes and looking bad or having others see us as defective or chaotic like the families we come from. Something like impostor syndrome—that could be a root.The rushing can also involve unconsciously covering something up like trying to prevent a disaster that isn't really real but it was real in our childhood so we do need to have some compassion for ourselves.Some treatment recommendations: working with our inner child on really slowing down, dialoguing and journaling with our inner child about those emergencies that don't really exist but did exist in childhood. Simply asking our inner child on paper: what do you think is going to happen if we don't get to the appointment early or on time, what's the fear about? Another is finding ways for you to work on turning down your internal motor, turning down that emergent living—doing things such as yoga, meditation, breath work, mindfulness. All the stuff you've heard before. Those things don't cure trauma but they do help us slow down.Refrigerator Buzz DepressionNumber three is something I call refrigerator buzz depression. The issue is you don't notice that you're depressed because you've maybe been that way since early childhood. Like with a refrigerator that buzzes—you might have had this refrigerator for years and one day you're like what's that sound, has that always been buzzing? What's that? Depression. Oh my God, have I had that for this long? Some examples: you might just kind of wake up to it one day and notice it or friends might be like yeah, I don't really live that in that kind of really shut down lethargic way as part of everyday life.Where it might come from: not getting any help as a child in processing emotions as they come up. Whether that's being bullied at school or a pet dying—really an emotionally vacant family system. Could be a backlog of situations and dynamics that caused you to shut down but are still there needing to be processed. Parents’ marriage is enough. Alcoholism, death in the family, medical trauma, hating your oppressive father, feeling like nothing would change. Depression is actually a natural protective mechanism growing up in all that, but now as adults we're still wrestling through it.Some treatment ideas: I was able to get out of this being in a trauma group where one member simply said that I was a good person and I didn't have to really be so anxious or weird or people-pleasing. I had never heard that before and it had a huge shift and impact. Group therapy and processing your family of origin trauma is helpful. There are no real life hacks for depression—you can't journal your way through it or downward dog your way through it. Processing what happened to us is crucial.Being Tired is a TriggerRelated to depression is something I call being tired as a trigger. This simply means we confuse our natural body's reaction to being tired for depression or failing. Being tired is a bummer for us. Trauma survivors can be addicted to productivity or being on a mission. We can confuse being tired for failing, for not being good enough, or fearing abandonment if we're not "up."Where it might come from: neglected kids get attached to coping and aren't parented around basic things like going to bed or taking care of themselves. We can unconsciously associate going to bed with being alone or abandoned. Being tired can trigger sadness. The hypervigilant trauma brain also doesn't like rest because we can't be vigilant while resting. The inner child might fear missing out.Treatment: connect with your inner child and ask them why being tired is a bummer. Better sleep hygiene, somatic mindfulness, reclaiming tiredness as natural.Chameleon but Don’t MixNumber five is what I call chameleon but don't mix. Certain friends can't know about certain friends. This isn't just about being a chameleon who can change personas—it’s the added layer of compartmentalizing. Trauma survivors often hid their home life, kept secrets, compartmentalized to survive. Parents may have modeled this. Or mixing had terrible consequences, like in a divorce.Treatment: take small risks, introduce circles of friends, dialogue with inner child about the fears. Embrace safety in adulthood.Being On The SpotNumber six is being on the spot. Being asked a question, presenting, or even being sung Happy Birthday can feel like an attack. This isn't just shyness—it's dissociation. Many of us grew up with "look at me when I'm talking to you" yelled at us, often abusively. Parents dropped us in unsafe social settings with no support. We learned visibility = danger.Treatment: find safe people, practice increasing your window of tolerance. Practice recording yourself, practice being seen. Dialogue with the inner child about fears.Laughing About The PainNumber seven: laughing about the pain. This is jokingly telling horrific childhood stories in a casual way. Survivors often do this because they don’t know how else to share. It comes from toxic, sarcastic, anti-love families where emotions were scoffed at.Treatment: be mindful, take yourself seriously, practice sharing seriously with safe people.Crying ValveNumber eight: crying valve. Either you can't cry or you can't stop crying. It's the trauma spectrum. One side: shut down. Other side: eruption.Treatment: EMDR, DBT, supportive therapy. Dialogue with inner child about what happens when you try to cry.Glass FrogNumber nine: glass frog. Feeling like people can see right through you, like you're transparent. Shame and hypervigilance. Comes from hiding things as a child, feeling like adults knew your secrets, or fearing being put on the spot.Treatment: visualize a protective bubble, remind yourself people don't know and don't care about your secrets, work with shame in group or therapy.Sideways GriefNumber ten: sideways grief or rage. Emotional outbursts over commercials, small frustrations, or low-stakes events. Comes from the reservoir of unprocessed grief.Treatment: process grief with safe people, therapy, group. Journal and note when sideways grief shows up.Waiting GamesNumber eleven: waiting games. "I'll do X after Y." Mood-dependent behavior. Stuckness. Comes from magical thinking in neglected children or abusive environments. Parents modeled waiting, avoidance, hopelessness.Treatment: inner adult gently taking over, start action even while not in the mood. Group or individual therapy to examine parenting and patterns.Final ThoughtsThese are just my ideas of what I saw in myself and what I see in my clients. I've named these things and how they kind of make sense to me. Others may have different names. There’s a lot of overlap with ADHD and ASD. These issues are not forever. They are normal reactions to abnormal family abuse. The more you work on yourself, the less powerful they become.And as always may you be filled with loving kindness, may you be well, may you be peaceful and at ease, and may you be joyous. I will see you next time.[Music]
